Trauma Check In (Part 2)

Posted on Sun Sep 10th, 2017 @ 8:22pm by Lieutenant JG Annie Dixon & Lieutenant Arnon Barak MD, PsyD

1,288 words; about a 6 minute read

Mission: Pulling Together
Location: Counseling Center
Timeline: Current

Continued...

[OLD]

She frowned and hugged her PADD again. "I don't even have a boyfriend," she admitted. Her mind immediately cycled through her various insecurities on the subject, threatening a downward spiral. It took some effort to keep herself from spontaneously tearing up. Ultimately, she did want children someday, but there were a few intervening steps she would have to surmount on her way.

Her voice shook a little as she explained, "Mom was twenty when I was born so I think maybe she sees me as wasting time or something."

[NEW]

"The current average human lifespan is about 120 years," Arnon said. "And menopause comes on much later than it did, say 200 years ago, thanks to modern medicine. You're only in your early 20s. There's no rush. Tell me, are you interested in having a romantic relationship with someone at this point and time? That's a clinical question. I'm not trying to pick you up."

Annie's face instantly took on a crimson shade. "N- no!" she said immediately and defensively. She sank into the chair a little and squeaked out a soft "...maybe." Her interest notwithstanding, she was sure her awkwardness and insecurity would make such a prospect impossible.

"We can work on that if you want to," Arnon said. "Build up your confidence a little. Baby steps, of course. But only if you want to. Would you like that?"

She developed a deer-in-headlights look at the prospect. "I-" she began haltingly, "I don't know... maybe?"

"Why don't we start with friends first," Arnon said. "Are their people on the ship you're friendly with? People you can get together with and have a good time with? Maybe unwind a bit?"

She shrugged noncommittally. There were people she didn't actively avoid, if that was what he meant. Mostly in Engineering. "Lieutenant T'Pral," she said at last, feeling like she had to provide some sort of answer. "But I prefer a good book over... people."

"It's certainly difficult for a good book to look down on you, or make you feel self-conscious," Arnon said. "And they can take you out of yourself, out of whatever situation you're in and put you in another world. Good books have a lot going for them. But...people can do these things for you, too. Friends can get you out of your head. It's possible they could make you cry, but they can also make you smile and laugh. So, do you consider Lieutenant T'Pral a friend?"

Annie stared at the bulkhead for a long moment while she considered the question. It was a complicated situation. "I- I don't know," she began, "Lieutenant T'Pral is my boss, and she's a good boss. I like her as my boss, but we don't... spend any time outside work." Annie liked the Vulcan, she was economical with her speech and leadership. You always knew where you stood with her.

"Well," Arnon said. "Vulcans really aren't the type to go out for a drink after work, but you might find something you do have in common that you might do in your off hours. Have you been to see her since the attack?"

She shook her head in the negative. "I- It's been busy in Engineering," she explained lamely. She knew she would feel weird about it; their relationship was superior-subordinate. and surely T'Pral would prefer a visit from her Vulcan mate?

"You know," Arnon said. "Vulcans may suppress their emotions, but they still have them. Beyond that, Lieutenant T'Pral can intellectually understand and appreciate the supportive intent of your visit, and even appreciate it. While they consider emotions illogical, they allow for the concept of close, congenial working relationships and even friendship. The relationship is more intellectual, so if she asks about the engines or something technical like that, it's okay to talk to her about these things. That is how she forms connections, at least at first. If you visit her, you just need to do two things: be yourself and keep in mind who and what Lieutenant T'Pral is so you don't get frustrated or confused by the lack of emotional response."

Annie began shaking her head even before Arnon finished speaking. "It- it's not that," she began, then fidgeted with her PADD. "It's not her... it's me. I- I get the logic thing. I don't do emotions either." It was a bit of a lie; she tried to, but they often overwhelmed her. Like this visit. "I- don't know I want to be friends-friends. Working colleagues, sure. But there's the whole... subordinate-supervisor thing. It would be weird."

"Okay," Arnon said. "Let's do this instead. Between now and the next time we meet, I'd like you to think about everyone you know on the ship and I want you to consider if you'd like to try pursuing a friendship with any of them. Make a list of the top contenders and why you'd like to pursue a friendship with them. Why you find them interesting, what you like about them, how they make you feel when they're around. And, Annie, you can go and see T'Pral as a concerned subordinate as well, if you don't feel comfortable doing visiting her as a friend, but only if you want to, okay? Remember: baby steps."

She bit her lip and nodded. "Okay." Her mind already was cycling through those she knew. It would take some consideration, and something that would be easier to do alone in her quarters.

"Alright," Arnon said. "So, I'll see you soon then. When you see my assistant, Chief Ileos, to make your appointment, ask him for information on the meditation class he runs. I think you could benefit from learning techniques to calm and focus the mind, maybe get your self-talk under control, keep you from catastrophizing. I get the impression that you say a lot of negative things about yourself to yourself when your mind gets in a panic. I think you might benefit from the ability to slow yourself down."

Annie nodded silently and moved to exit her chair. She paused and asked, "Does that mean we are done?" She was still used to not leaving until being dismissed by those in authority.

"Unless there's something else you'd like to bring up," Arnon said.

She shook her head and inched forward in the chair. She clutched her PADD a little tighter.

Annie was wound so tight Aaron half expected her to explode at any moment. They had a lot of work to do. He knew one thing that would help her (not with him, obviously, but with someone) but she was a ways from being open to that or even emotionally ready to deal with the emotional aftermath. Maybe he should suggest getting soft covers for her PaDDs? The way she clutched the one she was holding now couldn't be comfortable.

"You can go, Lieutenant," Arnon said. "Your ordeal has ended. Come, I'll walk you out and introduce you to Markos...Chief Ileos, my administrative assistant. He's very friendly. Like a teddy bear. Not at all like the scary chiefs who scream at you at the academy during PT and Small Unit Tactics, and such subjects."

Oh dear, she had forgotten about those Chiefs at the Academy. The part of her training she hated the most. She shook her head to shove those memories away, lest she fall apart again. Really, Chiefs in of themselves didn't bother her - it was the whole military-like drill instruction that did. "Okay," she said, standing, but awaiting Arnon to lead her out.

Arnon rose from his chair.

"Follow me, Lieutenant," he said. "Trust me, this will be painless."


OFF

Lieutenant Arnon Barak MD, PsyD
Chief Counselor

Lt(jg) Annie Dixon
Assistant Chief Engineer

 

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