The Real You

Posted on Sat Feb 8th, 2014 @ 6:03pm by Commander Alexandra Vance

1,291 words; about a 6 minute read

Mission: Tabula Rasa
Location: XO's Quarters

Commander Alexandra Vance stood silently in front of her window watching the stars as they had passed. She had dispatched of the clothing she had been adorned in on the planet and exchanged it for a traditional red star fleet uniform. It was familiar to her, unlike the person she had portrayed on the planet. She had not seen that person in quite a time. Years under the flag of the Starfleet Intelligence Branch, assimilation, time in a Cardassian Prison....a faceless enemy had served to warp the mind of that which she was. Warp was a relative term used by others, those unfamiliar with the nature of the conditions in which she served. Those oblivious to the true nature and danger of the universe. Those she sworn to protect so they may never see what she had.

She was stronger now. A steel curtain of emotion undeterred by the concerns shared by most of her fellow officers. Friendships, social gatherings, pets, love...Alexandra had no time to concern herself with those matters. Those were rights she forfeited long ago and only served to weaken her ability to execute the tasks she needed to perform so her ship could maintain the way of life it did. So Starfleet could continue to build towards it's ideals.

The door chime interrupted her train of thought. She had not spoken to anyone since the crew had left the planet's surface. She reviewed the reports detailing the transfer of the crew back to the Calypso and beyond the casualties suffered at the hands of the smugglers all personnel were accounted for. There was no need for her to do anything. Commodore York would need to reassert herself and help the crew reacclimatize to their life, with the help of the medical staff.

Alexandra's task was to remain vigilant and keep a watchful eye so an event such as this never was allowed to transpire again.

The door chimed again.

"Enter." Alexandra stated leaving her gaze upon the stars.

Sergeant Beckinsale entered Alexandra's quarters having also returned to a traditional star fleet uniform. Her first concern upon return after a hot shower was the XO's state of mind. This species had attempted to remove the last remaining piece of Alex unknowingly prodding a ticking time bomb. Atleast the Borg left her mind intact, sure they wanted her to oversee the assimilation of thousands, but Alexandra was still there, she was still able to fight. These things had stolen her most dangerous weapon and made the mistake of allowing her to get it back. Even though the crew was safe and sound she knew Alexandra would not let this go, not unless they were willing to help her annihilate the Cardassian race.

"Sergeant Beckinsale. What can I do for you?" Alexandra asked in a flat tone displaying no hint of emotion despite the bond they shared.

"Alex..c'mon let's not start this over again. I'm not your enemy." Amarylis replied disappointedly hoping for a warmer reception, maybe even a hi.

"Although my mind was stolen Sergeant I am well aware of who you are and what you have done."

"Your mind wasn't stolen." Amarylis corrected. "That's not really something anyone can do. Your memory was suppressed, your mind was freed."

"Hardly.." Alexandra scoffed. "What you saw was no better than a greenhorn ensign fresh from the academy with their heads 'in the clouds' "

"You still stare at the stars." Amarylis shot back.

"It's relaxing, my mind is still focused, here, on this ship." Alexandra replied.

"What I saw Alex was the real you, underneath all that bile and hate is the warm caring woman we all want to know." Amarylis said in a pleading tone hoping to reach out to Alexandra. As terrible and immoral as the kidnapping was Amarylis wondered if it could serve as a breakthrough for Alexandra. She was not a psychologist but she always found a direct approach proved effective in resolving an issue. Usually her approach was a little more direct but a punch to the throat would not fix Alex, intact it would probably break Amarylis.

"What you saw was a broken memory. A shadow of a woman that would become a casualty of war, another nameless victim of the nameless roster of those lost in the name of Starfleet Intelligence." Alexandra replied coldly.

"That's BULL Alex. Those aliens did you a favour and got rid of the crap those Cardassians put in your head. They changed the game, they undid the result and you were better because of it. Sam should have left you the way you were!" Amarylis exclaimed angrily.

"OH REALLY?! Amarylis? Leave me as an oblivious bubblehead thinking the universe is all roses and scented candles? Weakened by the hope of love and hearts and compassion. If the Cardassians did anything it was to show me what this universe really is. To show me that the strong prey on the weak seething their teeth deeply into those who can be easily controlled and manipulated twisting the very good moral fibre simply because in the end EVERYONE wants to be number one.

No, Sergeant Beckinsale...that is not who I am or who I am meant to be..." Alexandra replied bowing her head.

"Why? Why do you continue to fight this? Why carry the burden? I don't get it..." Amarylis said now crying as tears streamed down her face..

Alexandra looked back up at Amarylis staring into her tear socked eyes. "So you don't have to."

Amarylis wanted to speak but her words were held back as her voice was choked. All this time Amarylis thought Alexandra's actions were fuelled solely by hatred for the people who assaulted her that day. While she was sure vengeance played a role in some of her thought processes, this revelation now told Amarylis that Alexandra was not some sort of emotional golem, but rather a women on an emotional level deeper then most could understand. She began to understand what Alexandra was doing and why.

She wasn't what the crew wanted....she was exactly what they needed.

"Alex, I made a choice that day when I rescued you. I made a choice not under duress, need, obligation. I made a choice because I wanted to. I chose you Alex, I chose to share your burden, I chose to dedicate myself to you and your goals. We are bound together for eternity, like family ya know....and nothing can break that bond. You just need to let go."

As much as Alexandra wanted it she could not allow this bond to transpire. Family was a device the enemy could exploit. She had spent her entire career projecting the image of detachment to deter the enemy from ever using that against her. If she allowed herself to let go, that would be the day....

"I admire your dedication Sergeant Beckinsale but whilst you made a choice, it was not your entitlement to make it. No one can ever know what happened that day, you are a marine and I am the Executive Officer."

Amarylis was taken back for a moment. The words were cold and hurtful, but part of her knew what Alexandra was getting at. The other part refused to allow her to continue this downward spiral. "Hatred will consume you Commander."

Alexandra let out a soft laugh. "There is nothing left to consume Sergeant, this is how it must be."

Amarylis walked towards the door, she knew she was not going to get any further, but somehow she felt she made progress. She turned back to Alexandra.

"No Commander, it isn't.....because we are not on Cardassia Prime anymore."

She turned back to the door and left Alexandra's quarters.

 

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